Did my article help, inform, inspire? Please donate your “tip” here. Thank you.
February 2017 S M T W T F S « Apr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
- Hacked By Imam
- Hacked By Unknown
- Lane Diamond Talks about Editing & Writer Coaching
- The Devil’s Bane – “Come on, Diamond, get it done already!”
- Get a FREE Audiobook of Suspense Thriller “Forgive Me, Alex”
- End of Summer 2014 – New Visions (IndieGoGo Campaign by Evolved Publishing)
- “Forgive Me, Alex” by Lane Diamond Wins Pinnacle Book Achievement Award
Category Archives: Client Discussions
THIS POST IS FOR WRITERS:
This post is a follow-up to one I did some time ago: The Problem with First-Person Narratives – Beware the I-Bombs! If you haven’t read that one yet, this would be a good time to do so.
I’ll not repeat what I said in that post. Rather, I shall move right on the some practical before and after samples, identifying both the problem and at least one potential fix. I’ve used actual examples from pieces I’ve edited/reviewed/read, so as always, I shall not mention any writers’ names, so as to protect the not-so-innocent.
BAD: When I was young, I pointed out the inconsistencies as if I caught him cheating at cards, which he also did quite often.
Notes: The new opening below is a simple turn of phrase to not make it appear all about “I” at every moment. The second key change was making it not about “I” catching the cheating, but about “he” doing the cheating. Focus on the characters and actions around “I,” making it about them as much as possible, relying on the fact that we’re in the POV of “I,” and trusting the reader to react as “I” would want them to react.
BETTER: As a youngster, I pointed out the inconsistencies, as if he’d been cheating at cards or something—which he did quite often.
BAD: I used to think I could make a living as a skier, but then I realized that I was wrong.
Notes: This option, with its 4 “I” in just 20 words, is all telling and rather… well, dull. The second option takes us deeper inside the character’s true motivations, and concludes with a striking self-admonition (and commentary) in the form of monologue.
BETTER: I’d imagined skiing bringing me wealth and fame. Yeah, money and girls—a life to make most folks bristle with envy, at least the guys. I’m such an idiot!
BAD: I hear a sound from behind the garage, and I wonder what it might be. Maybe I should investigate.
Notes: Blah! Ick! Phooey! Where to begin? 1) It’s all telling; nothing actually happens. 2) Yeah? Well, we wonder too, so please give us something. What kind of sound? A prowler? A dog? An alien invasion? 3) The narrator suggests doing something, but again… nothing actually happens. Seriously, haven’t you always wanted to read a book in which nothing actually happens? No? Shocker! In fact, elsewhere in the story, the author suggests (again weakly) that the character is fearful of a stalker. Okay… so…? It’s time to engage the reader.
BETTER: I spin around as a loud crash echoes from behind the garage. It seems those tottering, beat-up old garbage cans are still good for something. I waste not a second in bolting for the back door, zipping inside the house and throwing the deadbolt firmly into place. Next stop: the phone and a 9-1-1 call.
BAD: I thought I’d be able to figure out how I got here in the first place, but I still couldn’t believe I was lost.
Notes: “But enough about me. What do you think about me?” That’s how these I-Bombs often feel, as if it’s just all about “me” and nothing else matters. Also, this violates almost every rule of Show vs. Tell, failing to bring the reader into the moment. Remember those 3 words: “in the moment.” The best fiction brings a reader in and allows her to experience the story right along with the characters, as it happens. Ah yes, 3 more important words: “as it happens.” In this particular scene, the author attempted—and failed—to paint the character’s fear at being so completely lost. She simply didn’t paint the scene for us at all.
BETTER: How did I get here? For that matter, where the devil was here? What a ridiculous situation, to be so utterly lost. I glanced around again, mindful of the knot growing in my stomach—churning, rumbling, threatening to seek escape at any moment. I spun around and… nope, no toilets out here. Well this is just great!
Another Note: I’m a huge fan of the writer’s directive to “make every word count.” However, you must create the story for the reader. This is a classic case of under-writing. As an author, you can’t keep critical secrets. It’s not enough that you see the image in your mind; the reader must see the image in her mind. So share!
BAD: I thought I might make her understand. I thought I could appeal to her feminine wiles. I thought I’d probably get lucky, in the end. I guess I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought I did.
Notes: At this point, it seems as though I shouldn’t have to say anything. You should be jumping all over this and in your best Arnold Horshack voice (for you fellow old-timers out there), yelling, “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know it, Mr. Kotter.” Nonetheless….
First, if you’re writing a first-person narrative, make it a point to use the Find function in MS Word, and type in “[space]I[space]”, and check the box that says “Highlight all items found in:”. This will highlight with a black box every instance of “I” in your manuscript. In time, you’ll want to do the same for variations: I’ll, I’m, I’d. Then, with the selections highlighted, scroll down and look for instances where those black boxes appear like a swarm of flies. Yep… time to revise.
In the case of the example above, the word “I” appears 10 times in 38 words. Umm… no. Just no.
BETTER: She’d come around in time. After all, how could she resist my manly charms, my smooth moves, my irresistible… well, me?
She didn’t respond at all. She just turned around without a word, and left.
BAD: I saw smoke rising over the downtown district.
Notes: This is the simplest of all remedies, and it falls smack under the heading of “Show, Don’t Tell.” The first-person narrator, the character, is telling the story, so if he conveys some action, we know it’s because he saw/heard/felt it, etc. So just paint the picture for us.
BETTER: Smoke rose over the downtown district.
I hope those examples will help guide you in trying to eliminate your own I-Bombs. Of course, my alternatives above are just a single example, in each case, of how you might fix the problem. Ultimately, your own style and voice will dictate the fix, and that’s fine. Just fix it! No carpet-I-Bombing allowed. 🙂
THIS POST IS FOR WRITERS:
I’ve been working the last couple of days to catch up on submissions at Evolved Publishing, where I, as managing publisher/editor, am responsible for such things. I always wade into our submissions queue with a sense of hope and optimism, though that doesn’t usually last long. I hate to say that, as it sounds so negative, but it’s the harsh truth.
One of the most frustrating things for me is to have to review a submission for which the author has clearly spent little time revising and polishing. Nothing irritates me more than seeing someone’s rough first draft. I always want to fire off a harsh note, but I refrain out of simple courtesy and professionalism — traits I wish those authors shared.
Equally as frustrating, but aimed at a different target, is the piece that has been “professionally edited” prior to submission. My first reaction to seeing that in an author’s email is to thank the heavens. However, what I find upon opening the manuscript is often discouraging.
A recent submission mentioned this editing, and even included the editor’s name and links to Facebook and website pages. After reading the first paragraph of the manuscript (1 simple mistake and 2 bad choices), then the rest of the first page (2 more obvious mistakes and several more bad choices), I had to go to that editor’s pages to see who this person was. It was another writer who, apparently not having a lot of luck as an author, decided to hang up a shingle as editor. This person’s qualifications? I don’t know. I can’t seem to find any.
Now, I’m sure the author in question paid for this editor’s services in the hopes that she would have a final manuscript that was clean, polished to a fine sheen — a true professional presentation.
She should get her money back.
I’ve also recently received inquiries from authors who stated that they paid for editing services previously, but that they still felt their manuscript needed some work. They wanted to know if I was available to edit their piece, and if so, at what rates. When I told them, they gasped a little, having already paid for editing once. I understand; I really do. However, it’s not my job to work for less than minimum wage to clean up another editor’s poor work.
This — editing or writer coaching — is like any other product or service: you get what you pay for.
The problem seems to be that, just as anyone can publish last week’s grocery list and call themselves an author, anyone can hang up an online shingle and call themselves an editor. In this internet age, the old “Buyer beware!” adage is more relevant than ever. So what is an author to do? How can you be assured you’re getting good work from your editor? The simplest answer is to get a second opinion, and maybe even a third.
Before hiring an editor or writing coach, get a sample edit. The sample should cover at least 1,000 words, and it should offer enough in the way of edits and instructional notes to make you feel comfortable that the person knows what he’s talking about. And then? Get a sample from another editor/coach, and compare the two. Is one apparently far ahead of the other in terms of skill and insight? Well, there’s your choice. Are the two really close? Then maybe a third opinion is needed.
At the very least, hop on the phone (or Skype, as I use) and talk with the editors/coaches, and get a feel for them. Which one sounds like you’ll be able to work with her? Which one can offer you concrete answers to your questions? Which one can point to previous success stories?
REFERENCES: This one is tricky, because I think it’s entirely possible for someone to be both relatively new and very good. Hey, we all started somewhere. However, when in doubt, and lacking any other method for deciding between candidates, let those references guide you. Get contact information on those references, and a blessing from the editor to contact them. Hey, this is a job interview, after all!
Finally, if the editor in question is one of the many who first came to the industry as aspiring writers, then switched modes and became an editor, read their work. If they have a book or two published, at least take advantage of the free sampling available at retail sites. If their work seems less than stellar, not up to your standards, then you know that’s an editor to avoid. Yes, editing and writing are, in many respects, two different skill sets. Just because someone is a great editor doesn’t mean they’ll be a great writer, or vice versa. However, if the editor’s own writing is laden with errors, bad prose and structure, and utterly clichéd stories and characters… do you really want that person editing your work?
So please, be careful in choosing your editor, lest it be money down the drain. No editor can guarantee you success, of course, but a good one will help you grow as a writer, and make your finished product one that you can be proud — and certain — of. In this internet age, there are a lot of unqualified people passing themselves off as something they’re not. Exercise caution and due diligence, and remember: you get what you pay for.